Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
