I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
