I accidentally burped into my bong.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
