once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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