My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
