I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
