I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
