I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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