dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
