i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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