I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
