are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
