What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
