forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
