why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
