I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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