U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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