I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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