Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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