why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
