Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
