When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
