Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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