omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
