Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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