I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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