I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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