She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
