do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
