The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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