i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I understand Curling. That high.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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