I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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