to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
