She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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