I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
