That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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