god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
