he thought i was a dude.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize