Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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