and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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