if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
