why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
