Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
