i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize