I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
