Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
