Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
