ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
