We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
