Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You pole danced in your parka.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
