Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
