i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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