So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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