She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
