How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
