If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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