just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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