I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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