ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
