Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
