I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
