i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
