Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
